Thursday, October 15, 2009

...missing you...

...missing your hugs
...missing your laugh
...missing your advice
...missing your sense of humor
...missing your smell
...missing see you sitting in your chair whenever I came home
...missing knowing what you would think of Jim
...missing you being able to hold my babies
...missing getting your encouraging letters in the mail
...missing your whistling
...missing your crafty dinner concoctions
...missing your "glue" that helps hold us all together
...missing hearing my girls call you "Papa"
...missing your quiet confidence in me
...missing your belief in my dreams and abilities
...missing my hero
...missing you

10 years ago today my world changed. 10 years ago I lost my Dad to a sudden heart-attack. Every year since then October 15th has been a dreaded date. Today we celebrated that number by marking my Dad's grave site with a headstone...something that doesn't hold too much significance for us, knowing that he is in a far better place, but a marker of his existence. Being there today was hard, I felt as though I had to hold it together for the girls, for Jim. I haven't been back since that fateful day...even seeing his name there in the stone...harder than I was thinking it would be.
I stayed strong all it's my time to vent and the floodgates are open...what else can I say? Today we celebrated the memory of an incredible man, one who believed he could make a difference and acted on that belief, one who stood in the face of adversity and told it where to go, a man whose presence, intimidating to some, was nothing but a source of comfort to me, a man whose confidence was passed onto his children, my Dad. you, all you were and taught me to be...thank-you...


kelly ens said...

an incredibly difficult day for you. continuing to think of you and pray for you.

love you!

Lisa said...

I'm sure there is so much of your dad in you as you too are such an incredible human being. I wish I had a chance to meet him.

Anonymous said...

even looking at the pictures brings me back to one of the hardest days.. so painful... so raw..i well up with emotion thinking about you and your journey over the past 10 years and the memory of the whirlwind of days that followed october 15th,1999. Christina, You have so much of your dad in much. and I know that your kids get to see that through thier mom. I also know I know it is not the same at all, not having him there to experience all the BIG awesome milestones in your life with you or really even a consolation, but it is a blessing that you are so much like him and a reflection of what a good man your Dad was. As I was 10 years ago, I still am today... so very sorry for your loss and so proud of how you have made it with out him.. what a hard road you've walked.
As hard as it has been it has been such an honour to walk the road with you and be a witness to it all... to be your friend. Thanks for sharing this post about your dad.
I am just heading out for a run.... and today, Im running... and praying ... just FOR YOU!
I love you, chrispy.

The W's said...

Thinking of you Christena.