...and I know most of you ladies out there are guilty of not doing this! By that I mean: We as women seem to have the tendancy to negate our accomplishments - big or small - brushing them off as "not that big of a deal" or "anyone could do that" and I think that needs to change!
As my lacking "May" entries have demonstrated, I have been busy! Don't ask me with what! But, the idea of sitting at the computer to post was far from my thoughts in the past while, and I think that it may also have something to do with all the thinking that I have been doing as of late!
You see - I am a goal-setter! I like to strive toward a certain something and I try not to stop before I get there! Black and white really when it comes to achieving things: You do or you don't! But when these new "goals" are just sprouting in my mind, doubt plays a big role on my conscience! Although I enjoy setting goals, I am also a pro when it comes to undermining my abilities! I admit it, I have never believed in myself really, and am only now beginning to realize my abilities when it comes to certain things like: being a wife, a mother, cooking, crafting... to name a few! This is where my mind plays ping pong! I see myself as one way, but my actions have shown that I am different than that...and yet my self-perspective remains unchanged!
So, I am officially turning over a new leaf! It is a heavy one, one that may flip back on me several times before I get it turned completely, one that has been long overdue for a flipping, one that, once it is flipped, has the potential of life-changing possibilities!! Seriously! I am vowing to do as my title suggests! Whether it mean towards myself, others or God! It is due, and I will give it!
What has brought about this revelation you may ask?! Well, I'll tell you! And although it may sound a bit 'brag-ish', or like I am tooting my own horn, that is totally not my intentions! But rather I'm trying to accept the past, give credit where it is due, and move on!
Six years ago today I left: all things comfortable, all things familiar, all things convenient, and all things 'normal' to live for 63 days in the unknown! Where we would sleep: unknown. Who we would meet: unknown. When we would get there: unknown! Six years ago today I embarked on a journey that I have honestly NEVER looked back on as an accomplishment! Even as I type this, tears are steaming down my cheeks because in sharing this with you I am admitting defeat! But (turning over that leaf!!) in sharing this with you I am also giving credit to the fact that I did do it! Six years ago (it feels like yesterday!) today I embarked on a cycling trip across the country! With only my two legs to get me where I wanted to go, and only my bike to carry me and my stuff there! Six years ago today I started my cross-Canada trip in hopes to #1) make it! and #2) raise money for literacy!
My Wheels, aka: my room, my sofa, my car, my friend!
Me on Hwy 16 right before heading into Mt Robson...the beginning of the Rockies! - leaving BC and entering Alberta!
Looking back on these pictures there are so many emotions to deal with! I can remember the monotony of the 7-10 hour days, up hill and down, the smells, the sights, the sores!! And then I can also remember the aspect of the journey that caused things to end before we had reached our goal - that's my ultimate sore-spot! Due to circumstances of personality clashes, close proximity with no chance of alone-time, and 63 days on the road...when we hit New Brunswick...I was done! Newfoundland was our planned finish-line...but really, it's all the Atlantic Ocean! And I started at the Pacific Ocean! So it's a no-brainer, right?! I should admit my accomplishments and be glad! But it's not like that! Black and white...remember! And I didn't cross that proverbial 'finish-line'! Thus...no finish-line, no accomplishment! And that is how I have seen my trip since! My attitude was, "Don't ask so I won't have to tell!"
So, the other day, when I was chatting with a friend about my newly considered goal (running a half-marathon), I voiced some doubt in my ability to get to the finish-line! Her retort to that doubt was disbelief! "Of course you could do it...you cycled across Canada!" Oh yeah! I did, didn't I! Never having given myself credit for that truth prior to...now... I hadn't considered that as a point to cling to when the doubt floods in! New leaf...new hope!
I believe God allows things to happen in our lives to teach us and we can, in turn, use our experiences to help others and ourselves. So, in not giving credit to myself for my cross- Canada trip (among other things) I am not giving credit to God for getting me through those times and also not allowing Him to use those times in my life to teach me about the character and spirit He is developing in me! I did do it...He has gotten me through! Yay me...yay God!
May it never again take me this long to credit #1) God for the events in my life that He uses to develop my character and #2) myself for the accomplishments of goals reached!
I now encourage you to look back and see where you have over-due credit to be given!