Wednesday, August 29, 2012

tongue...tail of the heart

those days, when expectations soar high for the good that is intended only to come crashing down at the first sound of bickering

"Mom, she hit me!"

"No I didn't"

"Yes you DID!"

"Ya, but you pinched..."


...and in the moment, that moment when the hopes of the day hang in the air, the choice can be made.

stopping the bickering with a shout instead of a gentle correction

changing her behaviour with a glare instead of a tender touch

combating an attitude with an equally unkind tone, instead of drawing her near tongue, tail of my heart...


little bits of anger coming out in a harsh word or a rough grab

my anger does not produce the righteousness of God, it says that in James

God is love

i am His

with Him in me ALL the fruit of the Spirit are FULLY mine...

i don't have to hope for patience, or seek out gentleness

those characteristics are already 100% available and fully mine because of who i am in Him

the harsh retort toward the simple question...asked for the umpteenth time

the too-tight of a hold on an arm of she who is being a bit silly

the revealing of my heart

not as ideal as i would hope

not as pleasant as i might imagine

the true revealing of my heart through the words of my mouth toward those whom i desperately love

not the picture i had in mind

my short-coming

my failed expectation of what a "good Mum" should be

but patience, gentleness....they are mine, 100%

Love bears all things...endures all things...

He is love

and i am His

so i press into Him whose heart is perfect

and seek to be the one who is slow to speak,
slow to anger,
in hopes that the tail of my heart will one day
show these blessings,
the ones tugging on my shirt
and bickering down the hall

the true love i do have for them
the picture of a gentle and patient heart


kelly ens said...

i TOTALLY understand where you're coming from, and I am also reminded that there is growth in recognizing our failures and striving for growth. If we think we've got it all together, we most likely don't.
Let's keep growing, Christina, I know I sure have a LOT to learn! :)